Atiku Abubakar: One Bright Monday Afternoon
I lastly discovered myself in entrance of Atiku Abubakar, the presidential candidate for ADC in Abuja final week. How I discovered myself staring into his eyes is an extended story that I’ll inform in my upcoming biography.
Anyway, this was how I discovered myself staring on the fresh-faced Atiku. He had simply completed his lunch and was wearing a white kaftan and an costly wristwatch.
“Sir, are you not afraid?” I requested him. “Funny, my youngest wife just asked me the same question a few days ago,” he replied.
Mbok, don’t let me take you guys to the place my thoughts went as per what that they had simply completed doing simply earlier than she requested that query.
Anyway, I eliminated my thoughts from soiled ideas and listened to him. “Edgar, I have been in a lot of trouble in this my long career and have somehow wiggled my way through.”
“Why ‘Bola’?” I requested subsequent. Why name our personal President, Bola? I can’t reveal his reply. Mbok, anybody who desires to listen to the reply ought to return my transport fare, and I’ll inform you. I can’t spend my hard-earned cash, fly to Atiku and are available and inform you individuals all the things when I’m not a mumu.
On attending to his residence, I discovered a unique Atiku – very amusing, with readability as per his mission and function in Nigeria.
I additionally appreciated what he mentioned about my technology: we’re very corrupt, and it’s unhappy.
He additionally advised me his tackle the financial system I stood up, shook him, took footage and walked away with a smile. Great man.
Ademola Adeleke: Boring Dance Steps
Well, this dancing is now turning into clownish and annoying. This, coming from an enormous fan like myself, is big. I watched this baba waltz on stage with the identical, now boring dance steps to his nephew’s music on the final APC presidential marketing campaign inauguration.
The dance, the speech didn’t make sense, didn’t hit any notice and left me questioning simply what the heck this baba is all about today.
He is of one other social gathering; he’s a part of the marketing campaign council of one other social gathering, and he’s dancing as a substitute of telling us what insurance policies or ideologies triggered this coalition.
It is not any marvel that he’s taking a beating on social media, particularly with VDM calling him out and accusing him of hoodwinking Nigerians into considering that the Osun election are inter-party.
VDM mentioned it was an APC major marked and offered to the general public as an APC and Accord social gathering contest.
Mbok, this dance is now not ‘sweeting’ me because it now appears and feels so ridiculous inside the grand scheme of issues.
Baba, are you able to simply cease for some time? It now not is smart, abeg. Thank you.
E. Agama: A Strict and Jovial Regulator
These are actual expansive occasions for the capital market, and that is precisely why, at my final session with its helmsman, the ever-so-charismatic Dr. Agama, he made proclamations – we’re shifting from N164 trillion to N400trillion, he boasted. “We have made the processes simpler and more efficient,” and he was very futuristic. “This market will continue to grow at faster rates and afford better opportunities for all of its stakeholders.”
Yes, I can’t deny Dr Agama is my good friend, and I like him. It by no means was like this. It all began with a “fight” at first. At the daybreak of a kind of large pyramid scheme losses the place Nigerians had as soon as once more misplaced some huge cash, in righteous anger, I railed in an essay and abused the hell out of him and requested for his resignation.
Unlike most Nigerian public servants, he didn’t unleash his personal “Lere Olayinka” on me nor ship individuals to attend by the street to my favorite brothel to waylay me; he as a substitute invited me to his workplace.
I flew into Abuja – at my very own price o – see what we do for Nigeria? I sat down with him and mentioned the difficulty very comprehensively. He talked about investor training and inclusion, surveillance and monitoring, amongst others. “Edgar, if I open one door for you and you keep going to the other one wey I dey beg you make you no enter…”
A friendship developed after that session, culminating on this raucous, energy-filled interview through the week, the place the multitrillion naira Dangote IPO, the T+2 transaction mannequin, cybersecurity, democratising the markets, investor safety, the evolving nature of the registrar enterprise, amongst others have been mentioned in such a enjoyable approach as a part of my new podcast sequence.
It was such an excellent session that even the cameramen have been questioning what was occurring because the SEC Director General shouted at one level, “Edgar, go to school, go to school, how can you call SEC an SRO? We are the apex regulatory body of the capital market.”
I shouted again, “Person no dey make mistake? See as you dey yab me.” Kai.
Godswill Akpabio: A Humorous Take on a Serious Issue
One couldn’t assist however snicker with Akpabio on this one. One cumbersome Senator – I feel Ekpeyong, the one which was imagined to be Donald Duke’s son-in-law – was struggling to maneuver a movement on suicide and the individuals who used to go that approach.
Akpabio, in making an attempt to assist him, retorted: “If you are trying to kill yourself, better make sure you succeed or else we will jail you.”
The near-empty chamber fell into deep, raucous laughter, and I, on this my Shomolu watching, additionally almost choked from laughter – I used to be about to swallow an enormous morsel of pounded yam and afang.
Kai, this Akpabio wants to begin doing his personal skit. Kai. That was an excellent one, however severely, jokes aside, our leaders needs to be taking a look at different measures that ought to search a extra sturdy strategy to the rising concern of suicide and tried suicide on this our nation.
Today, I hear it’s jail you face when you attempt to fail. This is really not the perfect, particularly with the way in which harsh and inclement financial circumstances can play video games with individuals’s psychological well being. Thankfully, the mindset is popping away from being punitive to a a lot more healthy strategy to the difficulty.
We needs to be extra caring and push each preventive measures and a sturdy care system that will information and nurse these people again to good and powerful psychological well being. But Akpabio, kai, you humorous sha. Kai.
Aliko Dangote: A Different Kind of Succession
This Oga has blown a sure fable. He has feminine successors. Kai! This is myth-shattering. You know the way poorer Nigerians might be making mouth: my son will inherit my store; my son is my inheritor, and he’ll take this shoe-cobbling enterprise to the subsequent degree.
My son this and my son that, right this moment this Baba has constructed the sort of phenomenal wealth that solely Elon Musk and King Solomon have surpassed, and his heirs are his daughters.
Mbok, I’m so blissful as I too have three daughters, though my inheritor continues to be my firstborn – you already know, for him, he no get son. The story would have been sweeter if he had a son and nonetheless went forward with girl-child succession. Then that will have been explosive.
Anyway, Alhaji has performed, or ought to I say is doing what’s going to change the narrative, burst myths and provides the girl-child inspiration to push on this our decidedly conservative society relating to this matter.
Others in Alhaji’s sneakers might be on the lookout for a son-in-law to work with as a substitute of giving a daughter, and that one will now carry all the things and go and provides a “side chick.”
This his succession story is really very inspiring, as I used it as a metaphor after I was sending my final daughter, Zara, away to China to review drugs.
“Shey you know Dangote?” I requested, and she or he stared at me with her stunning eyes and mentioned NO. Agh! This Gen Z individuals, why received’t you already know Dangote and she or he mentioned, is he an actor?
I gave up and mentioned, “Just climb your plane and go abeg before I slap you here. How won’t you know Dangote?”
Anyway, Alhaji has given us girl-daddies a robust instance to make use of for our daughters as we groom them for management – you see Dangote daughters, do you see a rapper close to them?
Well performed, Alhaji, for this. More grease to the girl-child.
Dele Farotimi: A Confusing Separation
When “juju” persons are combating, is it a psychedelic church-attending individual like me that may now put my mouth? That is how, through the week, my shaggy-haired brother within the wrestle introduced that he was severing ties with Afenifere.
A relationship that was birthed the day he was born, when the Ifa priest got here at his naming ceremony to throw that factor on the bottom and proclaimed: “This boy will look for Afe Babalola problem, go to jail, come out scot-free and will refuse afang from one Calabar boy calling himself Duke of Shomolu.”
Anyway, that was how I known as him the second I heard the information – bro wetin occur, and he answered curtly, “Nothing happen, mind your business.”
You see these individuals who combat with cow horn; we can’t perceive them, so the perfect factor we do is to remain clear earlier than spit hits your left eye.Spit? You ask, sure, spit. Don’t you see them combating in Yoruba movies? They will each maintain cow horns and be speaking into the cow horn whereas prancing up and down and pouring spit onto the factor, shouting “agbero, shubu”, and the opposite can even be spitting into his personal and also will be saying, “iroooooo, emiko, emilokan,” and also you, that’s simply standing there asking your self what precisely is going on; spit will hit you within the eye. That is straight gonorrhea in case you are fortunate, I swear.
So, my brother Dele, something that makes you content, particularly because it issues your historic group, do it abeg. You by no means kuku don purchase my e book, so nothing actually issues me. I want you properly although.
Amaju Pinnick: Whispers from the South-south
You guys know that I’ve no disgrace. That was how I acquired an invitation to return to Warri to fulfill with the very well-respected Ogiame Atuwatse III, the Olu of Warri, to current my historic e book, Maddtimes Power List espresso desk e book – the good one contributed the foreword essay and his spouse was additionally nominated to the 100 Power List.
So, I rapidly rushed to my brother Amaju to beg him to lend me an costly drink that I’ll take and current to “Baba”. Anyone who’s on the lookout for these basic and beautiful spirits, Amaju is your plug. Just go to him, and he’ll lend you a N500,000 bottle Glen, I swear. He has performed it for me as soon as. So go attempt your luck.
But wait, it was the Warri-based Barrister Ikomi who additionally had borrowed cash from the village council to purchase the N599,000 per copy e book that instructed that I begged Amaju to will let you keep for “him N1million –a-night” flats and added, “Edgar, that place be like heaven.”
I instantly rushed to Amaju and bought a revelation. Amaju is pushing a N3billion price of developmental initiatives into his Warri. The flats in query are just the start o. I’ve heard that there’s a large resort that has already been adjudged “the best hotel Nigeria will ever see” coming, after which a mall that may have solely curated manufacturers. Aghhhhhhh Amaju, you need to actually love Warri to push these initiatives, which, ultimately, would set off an financial renaissance of that harried metropolis.
Well, guys, let me go and see it and are available again. You will all ensure that after I come again, the gist will circulate. Let me go and see this Pinnick’s wonderland o. I can’t wait.
Biodun Shobanjo: Reveling in Rich Retirement
Anytime I’m going close to this Baba, I was unhappy. The man retired 20 years in the past; his establishment is rising stronger – over 22,000 workers, and he’s simply left with travelling the world, dressing like a Gucci mannequin, and simply having fun with his life.
My unhappiness comes from the truth that at my current age of 57, daddy was making ready for retirement and I’m nonetheless right here hustling like a pretend drug hustler inside a molue.
That was how I went to ship the Maddtimes e book to baba in his beautiful mansion nestled inside Ikoyi – he purchased 4 copies. Kai!
When I entered, my head began to swell; goose pimples began to catch me- the category, the calmness, the class – make I simply maintain quiet after which Daddy now got here down the steps in gradual movement, in a single good blue caftan and costly half sneakers, smiling in mock jest of my wrestle.
“Do you want anything?” he requested. No, sir, jealousy is killing me. He smiled, realizing that I used to be intimidated and Baba likes to yab me an excessive amount of. He sat down on one of many cozy chairs, crossed his legs, smiled once more, clearly having fun with my jealousy.
To make issues worse for me, he began speaking about Paris and all of that sort of factor, and after I couldn’t stand it once more, I mentioned Baba come and take your e book and let me be going. He smiled that smile that was mocking my hustling stage and mentioned, “Duke, oya let’s take a picture.”
Baba is my hero o – neglect my dangerous belle for him, and I actually do hook up with his trajectory and love his story. For me, he is without doubt one of the best dwelling Nigerians and positively certainly one of my most favourites.
Mo Abudu: Well Packaged Legacy
Let me rapidly say properly performed and congratulations to this Queen. She simply opened her Ebony Place in London and had the Mayor of London attend the opening. Well performed, madam, for this; maintain shining, and we might be there for you.
Mbok, how a lot to hire the theatre, as I’m bringing my subsequent London play ‘BIANCA’ to that venue? Well performed and maintain making Nigeria proud.
